


i'm holding my breath for you; there's no doubt in my mind that if you could, then you would try

by takenbadgering



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Aunt-Niece Relationship, Badass Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Suki (Avatar), Blue fire - Freeform, Brother-Sister Relationships, Caldera City (Avatar), Consensual Infidelity, Death Threats, Depression Sickness, East Asian Culture, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fire, Fire Nation (Avatar), Fire Nation Politics (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Five Stages of Grief, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Terrorism, Isolation, Letters, Loss of Control, Love Letters, M/M, Mai is Izumi's mom, Mentioned Yue (Avatar) - Freeform, Minor Aang/Katara, Minor Original Character(s), Misunderstandings, Mother-Son Relationship, Near Death Experiences, One Big Happy Family, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Identity, Temporary Character Death, Ty Lee (Avatar) sees auras, Wakes & Funerals, for Mai and Zuko, implied Bakoda, implied Mai/Suki/Ty Lee (Avatar), not yet anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25322800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbadgering/pseuds/takenbadgering
Summary: The war has been over for over 8 years, yet some people are still unhappy.It's clear that the Firelord and Firelady aren't going down anytime soon.That doesn't mean they can't hit close to home, though.Besides, Ambassador Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe is an easy target anyway.-title: Swimming Pool by The Front Bottoms
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Izumi (Avatar), Azula & Sokka (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Bato & Hakoda (Avatar), Hakoda & Sokka (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Izumi & Mai (Avatar), Izumi & Zuko (Avatar), Kanna & Hakoda (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Sokka, Ty Lee & Zuko (Avatar), Zuko & The Fire Nation (Avatar)
Comments: 65
Kudos: 611





	1. i’m shattered now, i’m spilling out upon this linoleum ground

**Author's Note:**

> i got a beta this time!! My lovely assistant @owolordmaster (tumblr) blessed me with a second pair of eyes to ensure that this is of the highest quality fic that i can produce  
> -  
> inspired by @zukkababey 's Spymaster AU on tumblr  
> -  
> Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up in the morning and all is as it should be. He sees his friends and plays with his daughter. He's not alone.  
> A letter comes. He is alone.  
> He spends the night feeling like he's stuck in bitter honey while the world moves around him. He's not alone.  
> -  
> by: Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

* * *

_Dear Zuko,_

* * *

Ty Lee stood outside the heavily embroidered doors that led to the Firelord’s private study. One of her sisters’ in arms, Miya, stood to her left, also guarding the door. It was a little past midday and spring just starting to be in full swing. 

Growing up in the Fire Nation, Ty Lee barely noticed the way the days slowly got hotter, even with her warriors’ layers. Miya, on the other hand, came from a mountainous village in the Earth Kingdom where they’d still have frost coating the grass this time of year. So she was rather uncomfortable in all her armor, and it showed, in subtle ways. 

Ty Lee made a mental note to teach her some tricks to stay cool while wearing layers. 

* * *

_As I’m writing this to you, Momo is trying to steal my stylus…_

* * *

From inside the room, there was a soft noise, like furniture moving. A beat of silence, and then they could hear movement followed by cursing. 

Ty Lee bit her tongue to contain her giggle. Spending 3 years at sea, with hardened sailors, had taught Zuko a litany of swear words Ty Lee had never heard before in her life. Even after being one of his personal guards for over five years, she was still hearing new curses weekly.

She doubted Iroh was happy about Zuko’s startlingly wide vocabulary. 

* * *

_...and as you can see by the footprints at the top of the page, Hawky is also partaking in making this extra difficult…_

* * *

Miya straightened her posture as the door creaked open. Zuko stepped out with Druk nestled around his neck, like a scarf, and his hair completely loose. He wasn’t wearing his ornamental armor either. He looked slightly paler than usual and held an opened letter in his hand.

He began to walk down the hall. Ty Lee didn’t miss a beat as she followed, used to Zuko’s subtle body language. Miya wasn’t and took a moment to catch up. 

“Where is Toph?” Zuko asked. 

“I believe Miss Beifong is in the training hall,” Miya said quickly. She was new to this job and therefore eager to prove herself. Zuko nodded once and adjusted to head that way instead. 

* * *

_...Anyway, how are you?_

* * *

They stood by the door of the training hall as Zuko and Toph spoke. They both seemed on edge and rather worried. Eventually, Toph stood up and left in a hurry, holding the letter Zuko had walked in with. 

Ty Lee couldn’t help but be worried. Toph was rarely explicitly concerned. Even Miya had picked up on this fact, though she looked more terrified of Toph than worried. 

* * *

_I miss you and the little ones very much. Kuei and Bosco are the knock-off version of you and Druk: same basic dynamic (world-leader-who-loves-theatre and their pet-that’s-crazy-rare-and-dangerous) but far less cute._

* * *

They were walking back to his private study when they were interrupted. There was a familiar squeal from down the hall perpendicular to them, hitting a note an octave higher than what was required to break glass. 

Ty Lee prided herself in teaching the young girl how to squeal so well. 

“Daddy!!” The small Fire Princess came charging down said hallway as fast as her tiny legs could take her. 

“Izumi,” Zuko cooed, dropping to his knees immediately and opening his arms to his small daughter. He was grinning widely.

* * *

_How’s our baby girl? I miss her the mostest!_

* * *

Druk moved to Zuko’s lap seconds before Izumi hugged her father tightly, arms around his neck. 

Ty Lee smiled widely at the scene, her heart melting a little. It always melted whenever she saw Zuko and Izumi. Every time, it was reconfirmed for her that Zuko would never be like Ozai. Ozai’s care was blatantly conditional and superficial. Zuko’s care was blatantly _un_ conditional and pure. 

* * *

_Give her an extra kiss every night for me, will you? Sing her a song for me, yeah?_

* * *

“Can we feed the turtleducks, daddy?” Izumi asked as soon as she pulled back, eyes wide and hopeful. It was a look Zuko would never have the heart to deny. 

“Have you finished with Sifu Komori?” Zuko looked up at the tutor who was walking with Izumi. The young princess bit her lip and looked away. It was clear she hadn’t. Sifu Komori bowed her head slightly. 

“We hadn’t, your majesty. We were going to visit the library to look at atlases,” Komori answered honestly, peeking up at Izumi. 

Izumi huffed, cheeks pink, and crossed her arms. “I don’t wanna to look at atlases.” 

Zuko frowned, clearly torn. He looked between his daughter and Komori. 

“If it is alright with Your Majesty, we can always simply go slightly longer next week,” Komori offered, letting a small smile slip onto her face. 

“How does that sound, Mimi?” Zuko asked his daughter, “You get to be done early today but go longer next week.” 

Izumi considered for a moment, before nodding. “Okay, daddy. Turtleducks now?” She looked hopeful again, clamping her hands, begging. 

Zuko smiled again and nodded. “Thank you, Sifu Komori. You may go,” he said to the woman, who bowed back. 

Druk moved to drape himself on young Izumi’s shoulders as Zuko picked her up easily. They began to walk towards the gardens.

* * *

_As for work, things are rough out here. Who knew so many people were so hateful?_

* * *

She’s not on shift that next day. That doesn’t stop Ty Lee from going to the courtyard when Appa lands though. She doesn’t have to be on duty to worry about Zuko. 

It’s barely past dawn and there’s still the remnants of pink on the horizon. Even from the doorway, she can see the grim, beige auras that cloud everyone. 

Avatar Aang and his fiancée Katara climb off Appa. Toph and Zuko greet them. 

* * *

_Don’t worry about me though, darling. It’s nothing I can’t handle!_

* * *

Mai sneaks up on her, like she usually does. Even after 2 decades of her company, Ty Lee still jumps. Mai’s just too quiet, or maybe Ty Lee is just too focused. 

“What’s going on?” Mai’s cold arms wrapped around her bare midriff. 

“Zuko got a threat. This is one of the credible ones. Don’t know exactly what it says,” Ty Lee shuddered, leaning into her girlfriend. 

“Firelady Mai, your morning bath is ready,” a servant approached and bowed lowly. 

“Mm, I'm sure it'll be fine; it always is. Now, do you want to join me?” Mai asked softly, looking up at Ty Lee’s eyes best she could. 

Ty Lee couldn’t hide her giggle; anything to get away from the grave beige that bathed the courtyard. “Your aura is pink.” That was a yes and they both knew it. 

* * *

_I think I may have found the extremists’s hideout. If I have, I don’t know how we didn’t find them before; it’s so obvious!_

* * *

Ty Lee was back on duty the next day, standing at the door while Zuko and Mai spoke with their advisors. Their personal advisors, Ichizo, Kenji, Shojiro, Fumika, and Toph, all seemed to have differing opinions on the matter. 

“—These terrorists are threatening your lineage, your majesty. The safest course of action to have more children just in case,” Shojiro said clearly, but nervously. 

“There is no need for that, because nothing will happen to Izumi,” Zuko snapped back, glaring. He didn’t like Shojiro’s implications. 

“Of course, your majesty. Shojiro is just preparing for the worst case scenario,” Kenji tried to placate Zuko, who was only getting more and more upset. In his lap, Druk snarled at the advisors, some smoke coming from his nose. 

“We’re not having another child,” Mai said firmly, speaking for the first time. Her eyes snapped up to Kenji and Shojiro, giving them her classic glare. The one that makes most people start to shake in fear. 

* * *

_I’ll send another letter in a couple days, after I’ve staked the place out better. So you’ll get another message soon, I promise, darling._

* * *

“If I may, your majesties, I propose heavier security on the princess,” Fumika offered, “Perhaps more guards, especially when she’s out of the palace.” 

“I don’t want her to know anything is wrong. While these people are credible, they could also be bluffing,” Zuko seemed to calm a little speaking with Fumika. He didn’t want to accept that his daughter was in danger. 

“Your majesties, we must treat it as if they truly are planning an attack,” Ichizo added quietly. He was always a quiet man. 

“Guards seem like the only option.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing up his topknot. “What do you think, Toph?” 

Toph had been picking at her toes. “I think it doesn’t matter. I’m going to kill them before they can do anything,” she drawled, pausing her picking, “But if you're looking for a precautionary option, I’d say only put one extra guard with Izumi, so she doesn’t worry too much.”

“I like that option best,” Mai hummed. 

“It’s settled then. One of the Kyoshi Warriors will be with Izumi whenever we aren’t with her and one extra guard outside her door at night.”

* * *

_Besides, I have Suki with me—and we both knew she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me!_

* * *

It happens while Mai and Ty Lee are shopping out in the city. They spend the morning and part of the afternoon in shops. Ty Lee gets some new clothes to do her acrobatics in. Mai finds a new kind of eyeliner. They have a late lunch at a small soup restaurant. 

During then, something happens. By the time they’re walking back to the palace, the market is full of whispered gossip. No one is quite sure what’s true and what’s not. Mai makes a point to tune all of it out, but she still notices the hushed tension. 

* * *

_I can’t wait to get home to you, Zuko. It’s only been a month, but it feels like eons!_

* * *

Everyone is in the courtyard. Somehow, Appa isn’t the loudest one there. Though the sky bison is baying, it’s Katara who is loudest. She's laughing, tears streaming down her face, while she sits on the steps. The pipes to the fountain nearby were spraying wildly. She’s shaking violently. Aang and Toph are holding each other. Toph is weeping into Aang’s shirt while he buries his face in her hair. Zuko is saying something while he’s on his knees, sobbing and shouting at nothing. It’s hard to understand his words. The courtyard’s stone is cracked and jagged, uneven. 

Ty Lee knows the aura of death, white and unrelenting. She paled. “What’s going on?” Mai moved forward quickly, without her usual grace. 

There was the unmistakable carrier dove perching on the broken fountain, cooing innocently. Mai snatched the paper. As she read slowly, she covered her mouth, shock grabbing her. “Sokka… he’s been murdered,” she whispered to Ty Lee, not looking up from the letter. 

The courtyard was drowning in white. 

* * *

_When I see you again, after all this is over, I’m going to kiss you until you’re breathless…_

* * *

With the help of the Order of the White Lotus, it took Iroh a little over a day and a half to reach Caldera City. Upon arriving, he was met by Toph, who was dressed head to toe in white, at the front doors. White banners hung on the pillars. 

She hugged him tightly. He started to speak and she cut him off. “We can talk later. He needs you now, Uncle,” She mumbled into him, trying not to start crying again. Iroh hugged her back tightly, nodding. 

“Thank you, Toph.” He kissed her forehead. They parted and Iroh moved quickly to try to find his nephew. 

He wasn’t in his bedroom or his study. He wasn’t in the library or the training hall. He wasn’t with Mai—who had white chrysanthemums in her hair and was holding Ty Lee close—or Aang—who was adorned in his own white robes and was meditating over a handmade vigil—or Katara—who was still in blue, and snapped that _Sokka wasn’t dead_ , that _he couldn’t be dead, he’s my brother, it’s probably just one of his pranks, he wouldn’t leave me_. 

* * *

_...and I will tell you how attractive you are until your cheeks get that adorable pink!_

* * *

When Iroh finally found him, Zuko was in the gardens, sitting on a wooden bench. He was dressed head to toe in white, and he was gazing at the sky. It was after sunset and the air had chilled. The moon bathed the garden in white—how fitting. 

He was looking off, eyes glazed over. His hands were folded passively in his lap, fingers loosely curled around a single white lily. Druk sat at his feet, looking like a guard animal.

Iroh couldn’t help but be reminded of Zuko’s mother. Here, with his hair down, dressed in white, looking so sad, Iroh remembered the night after Lu Ten’s funeral, when the two of them had just sat on that very same bench for hours. It was only by Azulon’s order that they had ever gotten up. 

That’s what Zuko looked like in that moment: lost in the depths of mourning, weighed down by chains of guilt, willfully accepting the idea of wasting away while his lungs filled with despair. 

Iroh knew the feeling well. 

* * *

_You’ll probably whine about my flattery, but I never lie to you. You’re as amazing as I say and more!_

* * *

“Nephew,” Iroh said softly and sat next to him. Zuko’s nostrils flared as he inhaled the warm air. That was all he did. Nothing indicated he was even aware of Iroh at that moment.

Knowing Zuko was likely unable to function to his full capacity—he himself had been inconsolable for many weeks after the death of his wife—, he looked at the moon too. 

Distantly, Iroh remembered watching Princess Yue of the Northern Water Tribe become the moon after Zhao had killed Tui. He remembered how Sokka had gripped her body and wept. His heart ached; Sokka would be missed dearly. 

* * *

_Spirits, you don’t know how much this distance is killing me. Once I return, I’m never going on long trips again._

* * *

When the dawn begins to rise, Iroh looks towards his nephew, whose eyes are now staring at the colors that sunrise brings, as if he hasn’t seen it a hundred times over. 

Iroh knows it’s different now. Your first sunrise without your soul’s other half is… indescribably hard. 

“I miss him, Uncle.” Zuko’s voice is hoarse and raw. It cracks when he refers to Sokka. His nephew closes his eyes and Iroh knows he would begin to cry, but is likely too dehydrated and exhausted. 

“Come now,” Iroh said softly, reaching over, he took Zuko’s hand, “Let’s get you rested.” He gently helped him stand, before guiding him into the palace once again. 

* * *

_At least Suki has a couple of her girls here! I just have Momo, Hawky, and my letters to you._

* * *

As they round the corner, down the hallway of Iroh’s room—Zuko’s not ready to go back to his own room—, the Crown Princess was skipping their direction. 

Instantly, it was clear no one had told her yet. She held a bundle of dandelion and was dressed in her favorite red shirt and trousers with blue socks. When she saw her uncle and dad, she squealed and raced towards them. 

About two thirds of the way there, she slowed and her entire expression dropped. She sensed something was very wrong. “Uncle, why is daddy sad?” She turned to Iroh, watching him with big eyes. 

Iroh sighed and glanced at Zuko. His nephew's guilt and grief rolled off him in waves. He knelt in front of Izumi. 

* * *

_I have to go now; I’m being summoned!_

* * *

He opened his mouth to speak, but Zuko placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, Uncle,” he spoke shakily, “I can do it.” 

There was no argument. 

Izumi frowned deeper. Zuko reached his hand out. “Let’s talk in Uncle’s room, okay, Mimi?” She bit her lip and took his hand, dropping her flowers. 

The three of them all entered Iroh’s suite and Zuko pulled Izumi up to sit on the bed with him. He sat with his back against the headboard. She sat with her legs crossed across from him, trying to read his face. Being as young as she was, she wasn’t able to find anything conclusive. 

In the corner, Iroh began to brew some jasmine tea. 

* * *

_Again, darling, you’ll get another letter in a few days…_

* * *

“What do you mean?” Izumi cocked her head. 

“ _Ataata_ isn’t coming home, Mimi,” Zuko repeated, voice cracking. 

“Yes he is.” She spoke with such conviction. “Don’t cry, daddy, he’ll be home from the Earth Kingdom soon!”

“No, I—“ he forced himself to remember his breathing techniques. “He’s with the spirits now. He’s… he’s with the moon spirit.” As soon as he said it, he knew it must be true; Yue would never let Sokka’s soul simply go to the afterlife—Sokka was worth so much more than an ordinary afterlife.

Iroh and Izumi looked surprised by his words but he felt them to be true. 

* * *

_...and I send all my love, all my hugs, and all my kisses. For my favorite people in the world!_

* * *

She looked down. “No.” 

Iroh and Zuko looked surprised now. 

She looked back up. “I know it, daddy. _Ataata_ will come home.” She moved and cuddled into his side. “I will wait every day by the door for him until he does.” 

He looked up at his uncle and made a strangled, pained noise in his throat. Izumi hugged him tighter. Despite the lack of water in his body, he began to cry again. 

* * *

_(Don’t try to say something funny: I’m talking about you and Izumi (don’t tell Katara I_ ~~_said_ ~~ _wrote that))_

* * *

That evening, there is a public vigil in the city. A portrait of Sokka is surrounded by thousands of people with candles or a flame in their palm, solemnly singing songs traditionally meant to help guide the dead to their afterlife and let those who judge their soul know that they were loved. 

People have come from all over. It’s only been 36 hours since they found out, and hundreds of people from neighboring cities and villages have come. 

The vigil will remain for several days, and, according to his advisors, only more people will come. Toph said that she knew a few people from the Earth Kingdom who would be coming. 

“Kuei wanted to come,” she had told him, “I told him not to. Told him, he’d be invited to formal service.” He had just nodded, at the time. 

* * *

_Tui and La! They’re yelling my name louder! I really gotta go, darling…_

* * *

He stood on the balcony in Aang’s suite, watching the vigil below. His room had a better view, but he couldn’t go in there yet. 

Aang was breathing heavily behind him, asleep. Zuko glanced back at him, then at Druk, curled up at his side. 

“C’mon,” he breathed softly to the dragon. Motioning, he easily jumped over the balcony railing and scaled down the palace walls. Druk flew down slowly, staying equal to Zuko’s level. 

At some point in the descent, his hair had come out and he had lost his shoes. It didn’t matter. He was determined—and even if it was a tiny flicker against the ocean of misery he felt, he was clinging to it anyway, just to feel something else. 

* * *

_…I’ll see you soon._

* * *

Zuko held a steady flame and stood among his people, singing along softly. He kept his head bowed, his hair covering most of his face. 

His voice cracked during one song, and an older woman next to him, who was holding a young girl close, gave him an understanding smile. She also had tears on her cheeks.

After that, Zuko moved through the crowd slowly, until he stood in the front row. The people there were swaying together as they sang. 

He found he didn’t mind this. 

* * *

_Don’t forget to give Izumi double the love!_

* * *

Gradually—so gradually Zuko didn’t notice until it was too late—the voices faded out to silence as people realized who he is: _the firelord_. 

His sense of community wasn’t dulled. He felt they just needed a small push to continue.

He slowly stepped forward. His legs were shaking. He heard Druk descend from where he had been resting, perched on a roof. The dragon settled for sitting at his feet.

Zuko kept his fire going. His back was to the crowd and he was standing at the base of the vigil. After a minute of silence and held breaths, Zuko knelt, barefoot with his hair loose. 

Distantly, a small voice said this was disgraceful. He ignored it. What was the point in elegance if the one held his heart was gone?

He began to sing. 

* * *

_Yours, always and forever…_

* * *

A second person joined when he reached the end of the first verse. By the end of the second, there was a handful singing. By the end of the whole song, half of the crowd was singing along. By the end of the second song, everyone had joined back in. 

Their voices rose high in the air, filled with grief and pain and _emotion_. 

Zuko kept his back to his people the whole time they sang. He was pretty sure no Fire Nation nobility had ever done this before: knelt with their back to their people, unarmed and without regalia, without guards, and _sang_. 

* * *

_Sokka ♥_

* * *

They went through hundreds of songs. Eventually, the sun began to rise. He heard nothing to indicate people would be going home now.

As the sun finished rising, he stood, legs shakier than when he had originally knelt. A joint popped. He paid no mind. He faced his people. 

At some point, they had all moved to sit, because now, they were all sitting on the cobblestone road. They followed his lead. 

He took a deep breath and gazed out at them, trying to make eye contact with as many people as he could. 

“With the way I was raised, I had expected to have to bear the burden of this loss alone. Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe was a man very close to my heart. My wife mourns more for my grief than for Sokka himself, for they were not overly close. Avatar Aang does not bear loss the way we do, and therefore cannot truly understand how it is for us here and now, after having lost so much. His sister, Katara, has simply gone into denial. 

"I thought I was alone. But seeing all of you sing and mourn has shown me how self absorbed I have been. This is not my loss alone; this is the world's loss. This is the loss of the best of the water tribesmen, this is the loss of one of the best strategists of the entire 100 year war, this is the loss of a man who took out hundreds of my father's war blimps when he was going to raze the Earth. This is the loss of the man whom I love the most.” 

Then he did something he _knew_ no other Firelord had dared to do: he set his hands, and bowed lowly. He was barefoot and without any royal formalities, just raw appreciation and respect. 

“So, I thank you all for not only guiding his soul with your hymns, by my soul as well. My heart may still ache, but now, I know that I am not alone. None of you can understand how deeply I mean it when I say, thank you.” 

* * *

_P.S. I love you_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to research traditional Chinese, Japanese, Inuit, and Buddhist/Tibetan mourning/funerary practices+rituals, while also making sure it made sense in canon. This includes the white as a color of death/mourning, Izumi calling Sokka "ataata" which means "dad/father" in Inuktitut, and the use of vigils that are traditionally called Shou Ling (i know they're usually over someone on their deathbed but they don't have a body and the letter took several days to arrive, so I hope it's okay that it's modified). If I messed anything up/was disrespectful in this fic, plz don't hesitate to let me know so i can fix it!
> 
> Also, if it wasn't clear, while Zuko and Mai are married and are the biological parents of Izumi, Zuko is solely in a relationship with Sokka and Mai is solely in a relationship with Mai. Zuko and Mai, for the sake of this fic, have only ever been together due to mixed pressures from their families and from their advisors to produce an heir *and* their mutual desire for kids. While both Mai and Zuko were with Ty Lee and Sokka respectively at the time, Sokka and Ty Lee were both okay with it (more than 'okay' they both loved the idea of having kids). Just thought I'd clarify. 
> 
> \- 
> 
> I *promise* this fic has a happy ending


	2. though far away, we’re still the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems Ambassador Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe is gone. His body burns that night in Gaoling.   
> Shikyo rises from the ashes, far more ruthless than Sokka ever was.   
> Somehow, it all started when Kyi Na hurt her ankle. It's strange how destiny works, isn't it?  
> \-   
> title: King and Lionheart by Of Men and Monsters

* * *

_ Dear Sokka,  _

* * *

_ The spirits have a funny way of giving people blessings _ , he thought as he watched the flames consume the old building before his eyes. He’s pretty sure Iroh had said that to him once. But to be honest, he’s not totally sure. 

“Sokka!” Suki hissed in his ear, “C’mon, we have to get out of here before people find out.” She tugged his arm. He looked at her and noticed how her makeup was smudged on her cheek and how the cut on her eyebrow blended with the red of her eyeshadow. 

He’s the plan guy. He’s supposed to know what to do. But, now, he just feels stuck. Regardless of his turmoil, he allows Suki to pull him away. 

* * *

_ Hawky and Momo are doing good work. I appreciate their footprints! _

* * *

The day before, Ambassador Sokka and a handful of Kyoshi Warriors stopped at a small square just north of downtown Gaoling. It was barely anything—just a small convenience store, a saloon, an inn, and a post office. They had stopped to feed their ostrich-horses and refill their canteens. 

They knew they were in enemy territory. A terrorist organization—Ebony Eagles—were extremists set on making the Fire Nation pay for the 100-year war with their lives. They wanted to  _ eradicate _ firebending. Distantly, they, as an organization, reminded Sokka of Jet. Their base of operations was in Gaoling.

Suki and Sokka went into the convenience store, leaving Toro, Mivo, Sami, Kyi Na, Hawky, and Momo outside with their ostrich-horses. Buying feed, water, and some jerky was easy enough. 

* * *

_ Someone must harass you regularly, lest you become big-headed. Momo is only doing what is necessary.  _

* * *

The trouble began when they left the shop. Toro and Kyi Na were playfully hitting each other with their closed fans, pretending to swordfight. As Suki approached, she began to give them both tips; “Toro’s footing isn’t solid” and “Kyi Na could easily be disarmed with a grip like that”, and other such comments. One of her comments advised Kyi Na to trip Toro, since her swing was too forward heavy, and that Kyi Na would fall.

Toro did it and Kyi Na fell. But Toro underestimated Kyi Na’s strength and size and fell too. Kyi Na twisted her body to avoid Toro falling on top of her and Kyi Na ended up dislocating her ankle. 

Pursing his lips, Sokka helped hold Kyi Na down as Sami set her bones back into place. “Lets not sword-fight with our fans again,” Suki held a similar expression when she spoke. 

Toro, who’d apologized almost nine times now, nodded quickly. Kyi Na nodded too, looking up at the sky. Sami wrapped her ankle and they helped her up. 

* * *

_ I think I am well. There has been a lot of push back about education reformation, so I’ve been slaving over paperwork for that.  _

* * *

Somehow, Suki and Mivo had managed to get Kyi Na a room at the inn. The party would stay a night to give Kyi Na time to heal some, before they kept going. They needed to get to the otherside of Gaoling and investigate the Ebony Eagles further. 

Being as brilliant at plans as he is, Sokka already had some ideas about how to work around this sudden incident. “Sami and I will stay with Kyi Na in the room. Suki, Mivo, and Toro can snoop around and see what we can find out in this part of town,” he said once they were inside their inn room. 

“I want to go snoop with Suki,” Sami frowned. 

“Well, it’s better if you’re here. ” Sokka pointed out. “If Kyi Na hurts something again,” He winked playfully, “Or needs new bandages, you should be here to do that. Neither her nor I know much medically.” Sami huffed but nodded.

“By the way, it’s not snooping, it’s investigating,” Suki hummed, filing her nails. 

“It’s snooping,” Toro whispered. They all laughed while Suki rolled her eyes fondly. 

* * *

_ Toph keeps me sane, but I still miss your gentle reminders to sleep and eat (Toph isn’t gentle). _

* * *

While Suki, Toro, and Mivo were out, Sami doodled on some parchment, Kyi Na read one of her romance novels, and Sokka poured over his scrolls. 

He read about known members— _ [On, 23, female, trained assassin, worked out of Omashu] [Saph, 18, female, messenger, last spotted in Ba Sing Se’s outer ring] [Baolan, 31, male, scout, detained trespassing in Caldera City] _ —  
He traced their insignia— _ the outline of a flying bird with a wide wingspan, colored in black, with a green line going from one tip of the left wing to the tip of the right, the head of the bird colored a pale blue _ —  
He studied the map of their known hideouts— _ The Pink Club in the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se, Summer Palm Resort just south of Omashu, Windmill Motel in the Plains Village, Imperial Eats in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se, Limestone Sword Smithing Shop in southern Gaoling, Pacific Star Lodge on Whaletail Island _ —  
—He did all of this for the hundredth time, as if he didn’t know the symbol exactly, or the exact coordinates of the hideouts, or each known member's specific eye color. He looked over each scroll as if it was the first time. 

* * *

_ Druk misses you too. You better come back with jerky for him.  _

* * *

At dusk, Sokka’s stomach growled. He pulled out his jerky and ate it, but still found himself hungry. Sami eyed him as he stared at the empty container. “If you’re going to get food, can you get me some?” She asked. 

He looked up and sighed. “Yeah, anything specific?” He glanced at Kyi Na, who had fallen asleep. 

“Some dried fruit, crackers,” She smiled sweetly. He huffed and nodded, grabbing his coin purse.    


“Keep an eye on Momo while I’m gone.” He closed the door behind him. 

* * *

_ I will admit though, I miss cuddling with you. The bed is so cold without you.  _

* * *

Sokka balanced the paper bag in his left arm and his purse in his right hand as he returned to the inn. The man behind the desk watched him walk through. 

Before he turned down the hall to their room, he stopped. “What time is checkout?” He asked the man, poking his head back around the corner. 

The man grunted and shifted. He quickly shuffled so Sokka couldn't see the name of the book on his desk. Sokka noticed, obviously, but not enough to do anything about it, simply accepting the guy was weird. Something nagged at the back of his head. “Noon,” the man answered shortly. 

“Thanks.” 

* * *

_ I miss when you run that horrible beard against my neck and tickle me when I’m trying to take a nap.  _

* * *

He was chewing his jerky, slowly, when Suki, Mivo, and Toro returned. He was stuck thinking about the book the man had covered. He’d only caught a glimpse of the cover. It was a splotch of black against a brown leather cover, shaped like three hills. The symbol was foriegn but it tugged at his mind either way. 

The three returning Kyoshi Warriors had come back empty handed and muddy. They also stank, which he kindly pointed out. “ _ Damn _ , Suki, take a damn bath.” He covered his nose. 

Suki shot him an unimpressed look. He snickered behind his hand. 

* * *

_ It’s hard to be tired when you’re rubbing your beard against me and playing the xylophone on my ribs. _

* * *

He falls asleep in his chair while Suki, Mivo, and Toro are in the bathroom. When he wakes up, it is due to a loud noise. The girls are all out, smelling considerably less horrible. He goes to make a joke about Suki bathing with two of her girls, and  _ what would Ty Lee and Mai say? _ , when there’s another loud noise but he’s able to identify it: it’s knocking. 

Sami answered the door. There was a man there—a  _ boy  _ really. His clothes are dirty and he looks stressed. “Ambassador Sokka?” His voice shakes. Sokka stands and comes to the door quickly. For a moment, he sees black stars, but keeps moving. He’s determined not to let temporary numbness stop him. By the time he reaches the door, it’s passed. 

“Present.” He looks the boy up and down. 

“You need to get out of here. They know you’re here!” He fidgets with the end of his tunic. 

“Who?” Sami asked warily. 

“The Double E,” he whisper-yelled. He glanced behind him. Sokka and Sami exchanged confused looks. “The Ebony Eagles!” the teen huffed, raising his voice just a little. 

* * *

_ Remember that time Aang and Katara walked in on you tickling me and it turned into a tickling free-for-all? _

* * *

The next several hours are a blur. They grab what’s important and get out of the inn through the window. Suki carries Kyi Na while Toro and Mivo run ahead to ready their ostrich-horses. The teen does his best to help, but he’s inexperienced. 

Sokka uses old, dirty clothes to set up his spontaneous new plan. He uses some feed and blankets and pillowcases to make it look like there’s bodies in the bed. Two bodies were made, one was dressed in Sokka’s clothes and the other in Kyi Na’s. Sami helped by putting their makeup on Kyi Na’s face. 

About 10 minutes later, Sami notices smoke ebbing into the room. A quick check, and they were quickly escaping. There was a raging fire in the hallway that was rapidly making its way into the room. 

* * *

_ And how Uncle found us? He just smiled at us and gave us tea after we calmed down.  _

* * *

Now, he’s watching the inn burn. His plan worked though, with his clothes on the fake body in the bed. When the fire stops and people investigate, Ambassador Sokka will be declared dead, and, therefore, they’ll back off on attacking for a few weeks. That being said, Sokka can’t stop staring. 

Suki pulls him to the ostrich-horses and helps him on. They stop about a mile away from the border of Gaoling, and set up a camp. By then, Sokka had snapped out of it and was already working on a new project. He writes a letter, directed to Katara and Aang. They’d been working far north so Sokka knew exactly where to send the letter. 

It was short, letting them know he was alive. He asked them to tell Zuko, Hakoda, and Gran-Gran. He didn’t want his family to hurt. He didn’t want them to mourn. But he also warned them that the world has to  _ think _ he’s dead. They have to pretend to mourn. But that he’s okay. At midnight, he finishes and sends Hawky off into Yue’s light. 

* * *

_ Anyway, I miss you and your stupid boomerang. _

* * *

Yue watched Sokka’s letter go across the country.  _ Hawky is very good at his job _ , she thought to herself with a smile. 

Only hours before it was meant to reach where Aang and Katara were staying, they left. A threat had been sent to Zuko, threatening Izumi’s life. They had left to go stay with the royal family. 

Sokka’s letter arrived in the town too late. There was nothing she could do about this. 

* * *

_ I know Izumi does too. I’ve given her double kisses and such, like you requested.  _

* * *

The night Ambassador Sokka of the Southern Watertribe, Royal Consort to Firelord Zuko, almost-brother-in-law to Avatar Aaang, son of Chief Hakoda, died, a new warrior rose from the ashes. 

Their name is Shikyo and they’re deadly. A member of the Kyoshi Warriors, they’re ruthless in battle. 

Since Ambassador Sokka’s death, they were on a rampage to exterminate the Ebony Eagles. The addition of Shikyo only made them more dangerous. 

* * *

_ We feed the turtleducks during the day and I tell her stories about you, too. Like the first time Suki kicked your ass on Kyoshi Island! _

* * *

Word reached Sokka Shikyo of his funeral in Caldera City. He read Omashu’s newspaper aloud to the other Warriors. Suki was expressly impressed with Zuko and Katara’s apparent acting skills—”They cried in public, Sokka! They’re going all in for this!”—but something felt off to him. Zuko wouldn’t cry in public unless something was really wrong. 

He kept his eye on the newspaper during the next few days. When his suspicions were confirmed, he ripped the newspaper in half. 

“They went after Izumi  _ a day  _ after my death!” He seethed, pacing in Suki’s tent. “They’re telling us she’s okay but they attacked her!” 

“Sokka-” She reached out to grab his arm. He faced her when she did. “Calm down.” 

His eyes were wide and dangerous. “I am going to kill them all.” 

* * *

_ Speaking of Suki, how is she? _

* * *

He’s not hesitating to break into the headquarters. Suki and Mivo are behind him while Toro is keeping up their end. He cuts down everyone that approaches them, regardless of what weapons they have drawn. 

In the back of his head, he thanks Suki for teaching him how to fight with fans all those years ago. 

He’s doused in blood as he empties out the  _ nest of roaches  _ who  _ tried to kill his family _ . He knows some of it is splattered on his face. He can’t bring himself to care. 

* * *

_ I know you said she’d protect you, but you better be protecting her too! She is my favorite afterall! (That was a joke. Katara’s my favorite.) _

* * *

Yue watches the carnage from above. Her heart aches as Sokka cuts through every hideout without mercy. He’s terrifying and beautiful. She wishes she could ease his pain. 

She feels no pity for the warriors whose blood soaks the ground. They incapacitated Ambassador Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. They paralyzed the kind boy she fell in love with. Shikyo took his place while Sokka healed. Shikyo was far less tender in his actions. 

Distantly, it reminded her of Aang when he and La joined forces to destroy Zhao’s forces. To see such a nice kid lose his mind over the ones he love being hurt, once again, she felt it was justified. 

* * *

_ Going back to the topic of Izumi, she wanted me to tell you that she bought a toy that she thinks you’ll like a lot. _

* * *

When he started to become aware again, he was sitting in a creek. 20 feet away, Suki was feeding two ostrich horses. She looked bruised, but okay. 

As he looked around, he noticed they weren’t near any town. 

He looked down at himself. His knuckles were cracked and caked in blood. His clothes were messy and torn. His muscles ached. His mouth was dry and he had a headache. 

* * *

_ It’s a wooden boomerang that has a snack compartment in it and it’s not very aerodynamic, but she loves it. It reminds her of you.  _

* * *

He jumped when Suki was suddenly at his side. “Whoa, it’s just me,” she said quickly. 

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her, the water continued to flow around him. It barely reached his hips. “What happened?” 

Suki moved and sat next to him in the water. “We walked in while they were debating _ killing Izumi _ . And you went  _ apeshit _ like I’ve never seen before.” 

“Oh.” He didn’t really know what else to say. 

“Believe me, after what you did, they won’t be messing with you guys again. At least, not like that.” 

He nodded absently. “I don’t remember much of that.” 

* * *

_ Spirits, we both miss you a lot. _

* * *

“It’s okay.” She hummed a little. Sami, Toro, Mivo, and Kyi Na were a little ways away. He found himself glad for that. “They’re all dead. Or, enough of them are that they’ll never regroup again.” 

He looked over at her. “Good.” 

“Hey guys?” Khi Na called. She was holding a newspaper as she moved closer to them. “The Royal Fire Nation Family has spoken out on the matters at hand. The Firelord has sworn to ‘ _ kill every single person alive who had anything to do with the murder of Ambassador Sokka _ ’ and that he will ‘ _ personally flay those responsible for the attack on his daughter _ ’,’” She read. 

Sokka couldn't help but smile. “Great minds think alike.” Suki scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

* * *

_ So you’d better come back alright, or else I’ll kill myself, and then you, alright? _

* * *

Kyi Na kept reading. “Since that public statement, no one has seen the Firelord or the Avatar, or either of the Avatar’s teachers. Both teachers were known to be close friends with the Ambassador. While Avatar Aang is a known pacifist, there are also records of him killing people when someone close to him dies, such as in the Battle of the North Pole, where the Avatar joined forces with the ocean spirit La, and wiped out hundreds of thousands of Fire Nation battleships.’”

“Hey, Aang wasn’t in control when he did that! They can’t hold that against him!” Sokka protested. 

“It’s just what it says.” Kyi Na put a hand up defensively. “King Kuei, a close friend of the Firelord and late Ambassador Sokka, has said he will not press charges or declare war on the Firelord if he takes matters into his own hands. In addition, he promised, if the Firelord doesn’t, he will have the insurgents eliminated himself. King Bumi of Omashu openly agreed with King Kuei.’” 

“Damn,” Suki breathed, “Sokka, you can never say you’re not loved.” 

* * *

_ Yours, Zuko _

* * *

He misses his family so much. When he had “woken up” in that creek, after so many weeks raging,  _ Shikyo  _ was gone and  _ Sokka  _ was back. He felt like himself again. He had kept his family safe. He’s lost too many, and the satisfaction of a success was euphoric. 

They got tickets on a military ferry. It was nightfall when they got on the ship. The moon was full. He smiled at Yue and thanked her. He felt like she had helped keep him sane. He wasn’t overly spiritual, but, silently, he was pretty sure she’d given him spirit-level strength and aided his healing.

It's another couple weeks before he can see the coastline of the Fire Nation’s closest islands. Another couple days and he can see the coastline of the land outside of Caldera City. He felt determined to let the world know he was alive  _ and  _ to kiss his husband  _ and  _ to hug his daughter  _ and  _ to high-five Ty Lee  _ and  _ to hip-check Mai  _ and  _ to tackle Katara  _ and  _ to kiss Aang’s forehead  _ and  _ to punch Toph’s shoulder  _ and  _ to hand-feed Appa  _ and  _ to pet Druk. They can stop pretending to be in grief.

Momo chirped excitedly on his shoulder. He couldn't help but think,  _ this is going to be great _ . 

* * *

_ P.S. I love you too _

* * *


	3. home is just a room full of my safest sounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caldera City's impressive architecture is smothered by white banners and it's bustling streets are stifled with grief.  
> Good, he thinks, that's the plan: for the whole world to think I'm dead, except for my family.  
> His family didn't get the memo. Time to pick up the pieces.  
> -  
> title: TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan

* * *

_To Ataata_

* * *

It’s impressive, really, the lengths Zuko and Mai had gone to to make Sokka’s death believable. 

Caldera City was covered in layers of white mourning banners. There were small vigils on almost every open window. It had been a good number of weeks since Sokka had “died”, but the city was still clearly grieving. 

The palace was the best part—the centerpiece of the deceit: it was covered with so many white banners and so many white lilies bloomed in the courtyard, it made the palace hard to look at _and_ hard to smell at. 

The banners reflected the sun and blinded the viewer and the flowers give off so much fragrance it overwhelmed the sniffer’s sniffer. 

* * *

_Daddy says you’re gone, and that you’re not coming back…_

* * *

After Suki verified herself and they gained clearance to enter the glowing palace, the Kyoshi Warriors were all very surprised to find that the depressing energy continued.

“You’re sure you told Katara and Aang?” Suki asked as they walked through the unusually barren halls. 

Sokka nodded quickly. “Yeah, and I _know_ they would tell Toph, Zuko, and Izumi.” 

“Then maybe, they just didn’t tell the servants.” 

“Yeah…” he nodded, finding his voice to sound much more distant. “They must have.” 

* * *

_…he says you’re with the moon spirit now. I don’t believe him._

* * *

Without much thought, the group finds themselves in the residential wing of the palace. There’s always a large bedroom with several bunks prepared solely for them there. 

“Sokka.” Suki tugged his arm inside the ‘Kyoshi Warrior’ room. “I get you’re nervous, but wipe off your makeup before you give some poor laundry-woman a heart attack.” 

Sokka huffed. “Excuse you, I look good in this makeup.” 

“I never said you didn’t.” Suki winked before tossing him a wet rag. She laughed when water whipped his face, before she turned to go take off her armor. Momo went with her. 

With another huff, Sokka turned to the nearest vanity and took off the intricate makeup. He also took a moment to comb his hair out. When he looked in the mirror again, he looked like himself—if not a bit more tired. 

* * *

_I don’t care what the letter says! I know you’re alive, Ataata!_

* * *

The first place Sokka went was his and Zuko’s bedroom. He didn’t like what he found: an unguarded, spotless room that had clearly not been slept in in many months.

After that, it was to Mai’s room, since it was just down the hall. The view there was exactly what Sokka had expected to see: a decently guarded, dimly lit room with two sleeping women in bed with the curtains drawn closed. He let them be. Though the guards there kept giving him nervous looks, he ignored it and continued on. 

Opposite from Mai’s room was Izumi’s. Sokka pokes his head in quickly. He wasn’t surprised to find it empty—between the lack of guards posted outside it and how the sun was already up—, he figured it would be. She was likely already in classes. 

Next stop on his investigation was Aang and Katara’s room. The guards outside their room visibly paled when they saw him. He raised an eyebrow, questioning their reactions. But the guards just quickly went back to standing stiffly. He could tell they were still watching though. 

* * *

_You wouldn’t leave us. I know it. You promised to protect us and you never break a promise!_

* * *

The door opened silently as he slid inside, looking around for his sister primarily. Aang's staff was leaning against the wall by the window, so he knew Aang, at the very least, was in the vicinity.

“Katara?” He called out quietly, worried that she may be asleep, “I’m home.” It was only 9am, afterall. He approached the bed first, only to find it empty. Then, he checked the bathroom. It was empty too. 

He checked every other spot in the room he could think of, including sticking three quarters of his body out the window to see if they were flying around outside _and_ getting stuck under their bed. It wasn’t his fault his butt’s too round to squeeze out of the tiny space under the bed. 

* * *

_Attak agrees with me and I spend a lot of time with her. She tells me about when you were my age!_

* * *

It’s while Sokka is stuck that he’s able to hear it: soft voices talking on the other side of the wall closest to him. Of course he forgot to check the closet, he realizes belatedly. 

He immediately recognizes it as Aang and Katara. He opens his mouth to call for them but stops suddenly. 

“He’s not here, Katara.” That's Aang, definitely. 

“Yes he is! I can hear him! And I saw him just last night!” Sokka hasn’t heard his sister sound like _that_ in a long time. 

“Katara… please… listen to me.” Aang is begging. 

“No! You think I’ve lost it like everyone else! I’m the only one who sees the truth, Aang!” Katara’s words aren’t directed at him, but Sokka still flinches.

There’s a long moment of silence. His gut twists. 

“What about your dad?” Aang is so quiet, he almost misses it.

“What?”

“What about your dad? What about Gran-Gran and Bato? They’re grieving him too. I may not get it,” —Sokka can heat how strained the words are— “But they do. They’re your family too.” 

Katara’s voice is so much quieter now. “He can’t be dead, Aang. I can’t lose him too.” 

“But he is, Tara. We have to honor his memory.” 

All of that is followed shortly by the sound of a body thumping against the wall and wet, soul-shaking sobs. 

* * *

_Did you really try to adopt a colony of penguin-seals with her? That’s so cool! I want a colony of penguin-seals!_

* * *

Sokka can’t stand it any longer. Still stuck, he moved closer to the wall and began banging his hands against it. “Hey!! Can a guy get some help?” He shouted. 

The weeping grew louder. He banged on the wall again. 

“Wait, that’s real.” He could hear Aang shifting around and then the creak of the floors as they exited the closet. 

Relief flooded Sokka when they came out. “Thank Tui and La, I thought I was going to be stuck here forever.” He tossed them a grin. 

But Katara began to cry again. At least, until Aang rushed forward. “Oh spirits!! Sokka!! You’re here!! You’re alive!!” Aang shouted, tackling him into a hug. 

“He’s real?” Katara breathed, voice shaky. Sokka gave her a wide smile and opened his spare arm towards her. 

“I’m real. A bit confused and very stuck, but also here.” 

She made a choked noise and tackled his other side into a hug. 

* * *

_(Daddy said no when I asked him. But together we can convince him to say yes!)_

* * *

“So, what happened with my letter?”

“What letter?”

“...the letter I sent you while you guys were up north, telling you that I’m not dead so that you, dad, Zuko, and Izumi wouldn’t flip out?” 

“We didn't get a letter like that.” 

“Fuck.”

* * *

_I do miss you though. Your job takes forever to do. I wish you had a job like Daddy, so you wouldn’t have to leave so much anymore._

* * *

Hakoda was ill. He had come down with it as soon as he heard the news.

The messenger had handed him a scroll and mournfully said, “Ambassador Sokka is dead,” as Hakoda opened the scroll and read frantically. 

His vision immediately began to spin and his knees gave out. He keeled over and vomited into the snow. 

Now, so many weeks later, he was still sick. He was too weak to do much more than be awake. He was too tired to do much more than lay in bed. He was too upset to do anything but cry. 

_Not my boy_ , he had foolishly thought, _it must be some other man’s Sokka_.

Now, he had long since accepted that his oldest son was dead. That didn’t make the weakness go away. 

More days than not, his mother, Kanna, joined him in Bato’s igloo—he couldn’t stand to be in the igloo he and Kya raised their boy in. Tui and La, how horrible of a man must he have been in his past life to lose _both_ _Kya and Sokka_?

She really kept him sane. “ _Irniq_ ,” she would whisper, “Katara and you have had to bury Kya and Sokka. Do not leave and force her to bury you too. Don’t make _me_ bury you. Don’t make _Bato_ bury you.” 

And Hakoda would whisper back, “ _Anaana_ , it just hurts so much,” and he would whimper. He’s too tired to cry out anymore. 

“I know, _Irniq_ , I know.” 

* * *

_But Mom Lee also travels a lot too. And it’s all Aunt Suki’s fault. She’s always keeping you two away on work stuff…_

* * *

It’s not technically a frenzy if he’s levelheaded the whole time, right? He’s levelheaded enough to not go slamming open every room in the palace. After all, it's not slamming—it’s forcefully prying open. _There’s a difference, Katara._

Technicalities aside, he’s on a hunt for his daughter and husband-in-all-but-written-law. He can’t imagine the pain they’re going through. 

He finds Izumi first. She’s with Toph and Azula by the turtleduck pond. Azula has Izumi in her lap while Toph floats around the pond. It’s a rather soothing scene. Regardless, he moves quickly towards his daughter despite the decent distance between them. 

“...tell me, Izzy, how would you take over the North Pole, given the opportunity?” Azula was asking her niece calmly while they fed the turtleducks bread. 

“She’s a kid,” Toph scoffed. 

* * *

_…please tell her she can make it up to me with ice cream next time she visits…_

* * *

Izumi pouted slightly. “ _I_ would swim with the turtle-seals to get inside!” 

Azula nodded seriously. “I would have never considered a strategy. Continue.” 

“Then! Then! I would make a ton of explosions! Like fireworks! To scare them! _Ataata_ took me to visit last winter and it was so pretty; I don’t wanna destroy the pretty buildings.” 

“Very wise, Izzy. Conquered kings are less likely to cooperate when their feelings are hurt.” 

Izumi grinned widely up at her. “Then! I would sit down with him and have some of Uncle’s tea with him. And I would very nicely ask him if we could be friends.” 

“Hmm, I never considered a diplomatic approach to the subject. But their Chieftain is very nice to your Mommy and Daddy. I can see your plan having worked very well.” Azula gently kissed her forehead. 

“But wait, Auntie! After we’re friends, I would fix his walls so their stone! Instead of snow! Fifi would help me, right?” She looked back at Toph, slightly hesitant suddenly. 

Toph grinned widely and moved towards them. “Damn—Shit, I mean—Dang straight! I would love to help!” 

* * *

_…and she has to bring jerky for Druk._

* * *

By now, Sokka reached them at the same time Toph climbed out. Immediately, she froze and turned his direction. But Sokka had tunnel vision for his daughter. 

“Babygirl!” He said, relief in his voice, as he got within arms reach. He went to scoop her up, but Azula instinctively held tight. It took less than a second for the Fire Nation Princess to realize it was _Sokka,_ but when she did, she immediately let Izumi go. 

Izumi squealed happily once she too had processed that it’s her father. “ _Ataata_!! I knew you weren’t gone!!” She had a death grip around his neck as he spun her around, smiling now. 

“I would never leave you, baby!” He slowed to a stop, pulling her back to pepper her face in kisses. Izumi giggled and squirmed happily. 

“Sokka,” Toph was breathing heavily slightly. Her eyes were wide as she stared in his direction. Breathing heavily too, he moved towards her and used his free arm to hug her too—giving her a spin for good measure also.

* * *

_I try feeding Druk, but he won’t leave Daddy’s side. I think he is sad like I am._

* * *

“Yeah, it’s me.” He felt breathless and his chest was lighter. “Sorry I was gone so long. I’ll explain everything later, and you can beat me up then, but I really need to find Zuko.” 

Without warning, Izumi bopped him on the head. Azula nodded fondly at her. Sokka frowned. “What—?” 

“You made daddy very sad! I haven’t seen him in a month! Nobody will tell me anything! I just know that it’s because you were with the moon!” 

Sokka’s eyes widened. “You haven’t seen him in a month?” He looked to Azula. He was still hugging Toph to his side. For once, she wasn’t arguing _and_ was hugging back. 

Azula pursed her lips now and stood. She effortlessly tossed her hair and studied her nails. It was an effort to seem nonchalant—a habit of hiding her emotions she never could fully kick. Sokka knew better. “He’s had himself locked away for a long time now.” She nodded slightly. “He’s nearly inconsolable. Even _Iroh_ did nothing, even _time_ did nothing, to soothe him. He’s eating himself up from the inside out.” 

Sokka took a moment to process his words, before letting go of Toph with a squeeze of her elbow. Then, he passed Izumi to Azula, whom he gave a quick hug and a kiss to her forehead. He bid brief farewells and promises of explanations. 

At the door, he paused. “Where is he?” 

* * *

_We both know you’re not dead, but we don’t like seeing Daddy or Attak sad._

* * *

Following their directions had been easy enough. Actually bringing himself to open the door and see what he had caused was a whole other matter.

Once he’s worked up the courage, the first thing to cross his senses is the smell. It’s horrible. Sokka grimaced; it’s sharp and metallic and foul.  
It’s like a cross between several things. 

It was the thick smell of hot air he had last smelled when he, Toph, and Suki had taken out the war balloon fleet back during the war.  
It was the sharp way Azula had smelled after Katara had detained her after her and Zuko’s Agni Kai, like lightning and defeat rolled into one.   
It was the same scent that the lowest level of the Boiling Rock emitted; the scent of dirty clothes and cracked, damp stone.   
It was the pungent air of a Fire Nation invasion, when it wasn’t snowing anymore and it was just _ash_ and _burned furniture_ and _tears_ _that steamed when they hit the hot ground_. 

None of these scents brought happy memories. He pushed on. 

* * *

_I don’t know why you’re doing this to them, Ataata. But it’s not funny, so stop it!_

* * *

The second thing that hit Sokka was the fire. Now, a flame didn’t actually hit him, but it felt like being slapped in the face with it. It takes him a moment to recover, having drawn many painful memories from Azula and _her_ blue fire, but she wasn't here. 

Once he’s able to focus, he realizes the entire room was accented with the blazing blue fire. 

There was little furniture left in the room, but what there was either smoked or was on fire. There was the burned outline of what once may have been a rug, and only a wooden spike remained of what had likely been a chair or table. Curtains were rapidly being eaten up where they hung over a boarded up window. A painting to Sokka right was nothing but the face of a young girl and it’s frame and the wardrobe to his left had two drawers on the floor, one drawer in shambles like it had been thrown against the wall, and one drawer still in it but open and flaming. 

The bed on the far wall was the most intact. It’s blankets and quilt were very singed and holey. Most of the pillows were ablaze at the foot of the bed. The sheer curtains that hung over the four-poster frame were all ash on the floor, spare for a few hanging pieces of fabric that remained. 

It took a moment to realize there was someone in the bed. _Zuko_ … 

* * *

_It’s mean! And not like Fifi’s meanness! Like, actually mean, like you really want to hurt them!_

* * *

“Zuko…” he called out as he approached the bed. There was a whimper from the lump under the cover. “Zuko, darling, it’s me. It’s Sokka.” 

As Sokka draws nearer, he is able to hear the lump mumbling and is able to decipher what those words are. It says softly, “Agni, have mercy on me. I’m aware I’m not the best man in the world, but now you send me hallucinations? Please, I don’t deserve this. Make it stop, Agni, please.” There’s a voice crack in there while it begs the spirits. 

His heart twists in his chest as he sits next to the lump. “I promise I’m real, Zuko. Please let me see you.” He worried that Zuko’s likely overheated too, lying under these thick covers in a room that’s partially on fire. 

There’s another whimper as he peels back the covers to see his husband. 

* * *

_Daddy cries so much and does so little, Ataata… He’s much smaller now and he shakes when he walks. It makes me cry whenever I see him._

* * *

Zuko’s eyes are squeezed shut. Under his good eye, deep bags have made their home. Not to mention the way they’re puffy from crying, it almost looks like a black eye.   
His cheeks are gaunt and pale, despite a slight flush from the hot air. His lips aren’t a healthy pink either, just the stark white of the rest of his face.  
His hair is choppy like chunks of it were singed off while other sections look flat out cut off. This makes some parts of his hair go to his waist, while other parts barely make it to his nipples.   
His skin and thin clothes are drenched in a thick layer of sweat. His arms are up, cradling Druk—who is unbothered by the heat—to his chest. His hands and forearms have raw, red spots decorating them like small burns. Some are close to healing, but most look like they’ve been re-burned several times over. His nails are jagged too. 

The sight made Sokka’s gut twist and heart sting. He reached forwards and cupped Zuko’s cheek. “I’m real, darling, I promise.” 

Zuko didn’t dare move until Druk began to squirm, desperately trying to greet Sokka. He peaked an eye open. His voice was like sandpaper. “I can’t go with you, Sokka.”

* * *

_He’s not healthy! He’s not eating his fruits or veggies or drinking his milk. I don’t think Attak is either._

* * *

Sokka could feel his eyes water and he kissed Zuko’s forehead, who was rambling on. 

“...I can’t go with you. I’m needed here. I can’t leave Izumi or Aang or Toph or Azula or Uncle or Katara or Druk or my country. I know it would hurt less if I went, but I can’t. I’m sorry Sokka. I can’t go into Agni’s light. It’s not my time…” 

“Darling.” He couldn't let Zuko keep going. It was killing him to hear what he had already heard and had seen. This needed to stop. “Darling, I’m not a spirit. I’m alive.” 

Zuko’s good eye was wide as Sokka guided one of his hands to his neck, letting him feel his heartbeat and feel his breathing. 

“You’re… you’re really here?” 

“I’m really here, Zuko, and I’m not leaving again.” 

He surged forward and pulled Sokka into a brief, crushing kiss. Then he pulled away and fixed himself so he was sitting up before tackling him. 

Sokka’s nose throbbed a little from Zuko’s more-like-a-headbutt-than-a-kiss kiss, but he didn’t focus on that. While being tackled like that also knocked the air out of his lungs, he focused on holding Zuko as close as he could, and not on how light and skinny he felt in his arms. “I’m here. I got you.” He said softly over and over while Zuko began to cry against his chest, his head turned to listen to his heart beat steadily. 

* * *

_So stop being mean!! Come home! Please, Ataata!!_

* * *

It took a cool bath—he held Zuko in his lap and kissed each small burn and healing scratch until they were both crying again—and a thorough hair treatment—he let the servant even Zuko’s hair out with scissors but brushed through it all personally and helped him put it in a top-knot and kissed him and told him how handsome he is—and more cuddling—“I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” was murmured against his lips, and they both smiled—before Sokka was able to sit amongst his all friends and explain everything. 

By the time he finished the whole story, the sun was setting. 

Izumi was in his lap. Zuko was pressed to his right side. Katara was pressed to his left. Toph was using his calves as a pillow, facing the ceiling. Aang sat in front of Katara, facing Sokka, their knees touching. Azula sat near his feet, not touching anyone. But a couple inches to her left, Ty Lee sat with her knees to her chest, leaning into Mai’s side. Mai was sitting at a slight angle, so she was within arms distance of Zuko. Suki was in Mai’s lap, using the part of his calves Toph wasn’t as a footrest. Above them, Hawky, Momo, and Druk were all chasing each other around the high ceiling. 

It was nice, being Sokka again. It was nice, being home again.

* * *

_You promised to come home. I don’t know why you’re doing it like this, but please get to the end part quick._

* * *

When Iroh got the letter that told him Sokka was alive, that it was a misunderstanding and a series of unfortunate events and nothing more, the old general wept with joy in the middle of the Jasmine Dragon’s kitchen. 

When he stepped back into the main room of the tea shop, he declared everyone’s next drink to be on the house.

Patrons cheered happily and Iroh was shaking with glee and relief, his smile lighting up the room even more. 

* * *

_I miss you a lot. But I trust you to keep your promise, Ataata._

* * *

When the letter reached the Southern Water Tribe, Hakoda didn’t believe it. He wanted to, but he couldn’t get his hopes up. It must be another cruel joke. 

But it’s stamped with the Fire Nation Royal Seal. The handwriting is identical to Sokka’s. The note at the bottom of the paper is Katara’s handwriting, promising it’s real. The letter contains promises of a family visit by the end of the month. 

He dares to hope, despite himself. Kanna dares to hope. Bato dares too. 

The whole village dares to hope. 

Sokka doesn’t let them down. He shows up with Izumi, Zuko, Katara, and Aang just more than 2 weeks later. 

* * *

_From your favorite daughter, Izumi_

* * *

A couple days after the official public announcement of the misunderstanding and of Sokka's homecoming, he tendered his resignation as a Kyoshi Warrior delegate. He’s done with risking his life when he has a whole family waiting for him to come home.

He’s not leaving unless Yue and La themselves show up and even then, he’s going to put up a fight. 

He made a promise after all. 

* * *

_P.S. I still love you ♥♥♥_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify: Fifi is Toph, Attak is Katara (Inuktitut for aunt on father's side), Mom Lee is what Izumi calls Ty Lee, Mommy is Mai, Auntie is what Izumi calls Azula, Irniq means "son/my son" (Inuktitut), Anaana means "mom/mother" (Inuktitut). If I misused any Inuit words, please correct me. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who supported/is supporting me in my writing endeavors!!   
> Big shoutout to @zukkababey on tumblr for the inspiration for this fic!


End file.
